Mary was not a happy camper! "This is the second time I’ve been told my
printing job would be finished and it’s still not done. Is there some particular
reason why these promises never seem to be kept?"
The assistant in the internal document center replied with a string of excuses and
reasons which only served to irritate Mary further. The conversation deteriorated from
there and both parties thought the other huffy and unreasonable.
While Mary’s initial irritation was more than understandable, the way she framed
her question could have been more productive. Framing the question differently would have
produced better results for Mary and left the working relationship with her internal
document center in a much better place.
The reason? You only get answers to the questions you ask. Mary’s
question dealt with why the job had not been finished on time. The document center
assistant merely answered the question Mary asked. Step back from the situation and
it’s nuts. Mary asks why the problem occurred, gets a response as to why it occurred,
and gets upset with the response.
However, Mary could have asked a slightly different question that would have produced a
solution and left the relationship intact – maybe even improved. A more effective
question would have begun with what or how and dealt with the future. Here’s an
example of how Mary might have framed the question differently.
"Well, as you know, this is the second time my job’s been promised and not
delivered. I have a couple of questions. First, since this is a really critical project,
how can we get it done in the next 30 minutes? And second, how can we make sure it
doesn’t happen again? Let’s start with getting this one done. What would have to
be done to complete it within the next 30 minutes?"
Notice the two "how’s" and the one "what". By using these and
framing the question with a future orientation, Mary is asking for solutions. Guess what?
She’ll get solutions!
How about you? When you run into situations where things have gone awry do you ask why
the problem occurred? If so, the other party will answer that question and you’ll
reasons and excuses – which will only make you more irritated than you already are.
However, if you ask how the problem can be fixed, you’ll get suggestions and options.
It’s your choice. People will answer whichever question you ask.
This isn’t a huge change in behavior. It’s one of the countless little ways
in which we can not only elicit better results from others, but also strengthen
relationships at the same time. So make a note to yourself to put "what’s"
and "how’s" to work at your next event, next staff meeting, or dealing with
other internal functions.
One more thing. This tool is not something you pick up when you walk in the door of the
office and then put back when you leave. It works at home, also. Try it with your other
relationships – your children, significant others, neighbors, and the kids on that
soccer time you coach.
You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the difference you see!
© 2005 Thomas K. Connellan
About the Author
Tom Connellan is an Orlando, Florida keynote speaker regularly
used by leading firms such as GE, Neiman Marcus, Dell, FedEx and Marriott to strengthen customer
loyalty and leadership practices. When looking for a keynote speaker, Tom probably belongs on your
short list of possibilities.
