Non-Verbal Cues
So far, we’ve covered the words you use and your verbal intonations. Now,
let’s turn to where the bulk of the meaning lies here. You can say the words. Your
tone of voice can match the words. But if you’re looking around, tapping your
fingers, shaking your head "no" or doing any one of the hundreds of other
seemingly little things that say "I don’t believe in you," you’re not
going to get the performance you want.
Here are four out of the five categories you need to check yourself against when
assessing your non-verbal cues:
1. Body position. If your arms are crossed, your legs are crossed away from the
person you’re communicating with, or you’re giving him or her the "cold
shoulder," then you’re sending negative messages.
On the other hand, if your body position is open—you’re facing the person
rather than looking away—you’re communicating honesty, warmth and openness. If
your posture is erect rather than slumping, you’re communicating positive beliefs.
And if you’re leaning slightly forward, you’re demonstrating interest in the
other individual.
They’re all small things, but they all add up quickly.
2. Hand gestures. Avoid tapping your fingers ("I’m impatient"),
hiding your mouth ("I’m hiding something"), finger wagging (the non-verbal
equivalent of poking someone with your finger), and closed or clenched hands
("I’m upset"). These gestures all conflict with an "I believe in
you" message.
Instead, use open hands with palms up ("I’m being honest with nothing to
hide") or touching your hands to your chest ("I believe in what I’m
saying"). Both of these emphasize a positive message.
3. Head. If your head is shaking back and forth or tilted off to one side,
you’re sending a message of disbelief. On the other hand, if your head is facing
directly toward someone and you’re nodding up and down, you’re delivering a
non-verbal message of belief and confidence.
4. Facial expressions. Smile. Keep a relaxed mouth. Show alertness in your face and
act like you’re ready to listen. Do these regularly and you’ll have created an
open communication pattern with someone where they believe you are sincere.
On the other hand, if you’re tight-lipped, have your jaw muscles clenched, have
only a grim smile or no smile at all, or are frowning, you’ll be sending a message of
"no way can you possibly succeed at this project."
About the Author
Tom Connellan is an Orlando, Florida keynote speaker regularly
used by leading firms such as GE, Neiman Marcus, Dell, FedEx and Marriott to strengthen customer
loyalty and leadership practices. When looking for a keynote speaker, Tom probably belongs on your
short list of possibilities.
